THE DREAMCATCHER

Close your eyes and rest your sweet head.

It’s time for you to sleep.

I’ll sit beside you and I’ll wait…………...

Together we’ll drift into the Land of Dreams.

Tonight let’s meet beside the Ocean.

The waves are calm. The water is warm.

The setting Sun paints the Sky and we laugh like no time has passed.

Seagulls flock above us, the breeze gently hugs our skin.

We watch those little birds chase the tide then quickly run away.

The deep blue rhythms soothe us and for a moment it’s understood that nothing has been lost.

The Sky begins to deepen as the evening slowly starts to fade.

The Moon appears from behind the clouds and softly showers us with light.

I hold your hand as you start to cry.

You wonder why I’ve gone.

Don’t be afraid, my little doll.

Give your tears away to the Sea.

I want you to know that I tried my best and this is all part of the plan.

Call on me always and often.

I’m here to light your way.

I’m now your great protector, your guide among the Stars.

Our love will last forever, crossing beyond all space and time.

I’m everywhere, all around you.

I’m much closer than you think.

Go you to your Heart when you feel lost, that connection remains the same.

Our Hearts are bound together.

Love is much larger than death.

You brought so much joy into my life.

You made it all worthwhile.

You light up the Sky when you smile.

Keep filling your up Heart with love.

Tomorrow dawns a brand new day.

You have important work to do.

You are blessed with gifts so vast and wide.

Please share them with the world.

You are loved beyond all measure

And I’m always in your Heart.

I’m with your tribe of Angels

You are always safe from harm.

Close your eyes, my little doll.

It’s time for you to sleep.

I’ll stay with you, right by your side.

May you always remember the beauty of your Dreams.

COFFINS

My Dad’s cousin own a funeral home in Cleveland. Picking out my Father’s coffin was one of the most surreal experiences of my life so far. The place had not changed much in fourteen and a half years. It was like walking into a time warp, only this time my Dad wasn’t there. I vaguely remember being with him to pick out my Mom’s coffin. Mostly I remember what it felt like to be in that cold, dimly lit basement full of display cases and weird decoration add-ons. I remember it feeling awful and heavy and unfair when I was sixteen. This time at 31, it almost felt like a joke.

My five siblings and I, along with my Dad’s mother and oldest brother, walked around in a haze trying to pick out a box to lay his body to rest. Damn. Coffins are expensive. I guess I didn’t realize it when my Mom died because he was there. I do remember that he only wanted the best for her. She was the love of his life and he didn’t care how much it cost.

His cousin and good friend was helping us arrange everything; again. He made an honest joke about my Dad being furious if we spent lots money on his coffin. He told us our father would be pretty upset if we put him in anything nicer than a plywood box. It was very difficult to hear but it was the truth. He always put everyone ahead of himself and rarely asked anyone for anything. The man was the hardest person to buy gifts for. Every time we asked, he would simply say, “I don’t need anything. If I want something I can buy it for myself.” We chose the nicest low-grade box that we felt comfortable with. We knew better than to disobey him even when he was dead.

SINGING IN UNISON

Wednesday March 20th, 2002

Her presence surrounds me though many years have passed. The sun shines on me and she tells me: go on. At times I still feel regret. Can I be happy when she isn’t here to share? At times I wonder if she feels the sand under my feet, the breeze that cools me on a sunny afternoon, the words I speak when I’m pleading with her? Does she feel it when music touches my soul? Will our souls always be connected or is she just a figment of my imagination. Did she really exist or were those happy times a facade?

It would be easier to say that she never lived; easier to block her out and pretend that she wasn’t the center of my world. She still is the center of my world and will continue to have that place in my heart. I am sick of lying to myself when the sun beats down on my body and replenishes me. When the scent of the ocean is so strong, it burns. She is the sun, the ocean, the moon, the stars. God created this beauty as symbols for the world’s beloved ancestors. They remind us to move on, to be strong.

Look for signs, keep your eyes open and breathe. Day by day you will see things and know that you are loved and protected. The old saying, “out of sight, out of mind” does not apply here. Take the time to let your body feel. It takes a while but when the time comes, it will hit you. A weight will be lifted from your shoulders, you will exhale and be at peace with your thoughts. Acceptance doesn’t ever mean that you’re comfortable with your loss. It simply means you are in tune with the spiritual world. Although your life will never be the same, it is still your life to live and you finally made the choice to live it. It becomes easier to speak and share their name. You can finally laugh as you remember. You feel healthy again, ready to take on the world. The fear of change and resistance no longer pain you. You are ready to charge through life. You realize how short life really is. It’s much too short fear the unknown. Entirely too short to ignore the voice directing you toward your dreams. Your dreams are the only thing that will keep you sane. Do not ignore the voice. It lives deep inside your heart and fights to teach you every day. All the good who have gone before us sing in unison with the voice.

HOLLOW HEART

May 1999

How can it be that she is gone?
One year this September­­ – how can it be?
I’m learning to live with the emptiness, that’s all I can do.
That’s all I can do until we meet.
Until we meet, my heart is hollow.
When I embrace her in heaven, I will be whole.
I will be whole for eternity if I have her.
If I have her I will long for nothing.
Nothing shall I long for when my hand is in hers.
When my hand is in hers, I will be free.
I will be free from sadness, anger and loneliness.
Someday we’ll be together and that alone will keep me awake.
I will stay awake until it’s my turn to go.
When it’s my turn to go, I won’t be afraid.
I won’t be afraid, she will welcome me in her arms and together we will sleep.
Together we will sleep at the feet of God.

EULOGY FOR MY MOTHER

February 4, 2016  In Writing

EULOGY FOR MY MOTHER

September 13, 1998

Around Christmastime when my Mom was really sick and I told her that I wanted to do this, she said that she thought it would be too hard for me. Well I guess I inherited her stubbornness or I wouldn’t be standing up here today.

She understands but doesn’t want us to be sad, so I’ll start with some happy memories. She loved bright colors. We would laugh at her bright orange lipstick and her ugly red shoes (which by the way she only bought because she knew I wouldn’t try to steal them). I remember how she would strut along the beach in her fluorescent pink bikini without a care in the world. What other people said didn’t bother her. All that mattered was that she felt good.

She wouldn’t pass up a chance to go to the ocean. She was amazed by the beauty and peacefulness of it each and every time she went. That is where she got her thinking done. We knew she really needed to think when she woke us up in the middle of the night to go to North Carolina. The next best thing to the ocean was being outside in the sun. She would sit there for hours but get tan within minutes.

She had the strongest will and a good heart. What a combination, she was remarkable! The person in need was always her priority and that person was never her. She never once asked why me, even at the very end.

She is the bravest person I’ll ever meet. She did everything to the best of her ability and her motto was NEVER NEVER QUIT! And she never did, although she passed away she never gave up. She fought tooth and nail every day for almost two years. She maintained a positive mindset as she endured constant pain. Her spirit will be with us forever.

Mom, now you officially have your wings, even though we knew you were an angel here on earth. Help us to remember you and to laugh, for you are only in the next room. Thank you for all your love. Until we meet again, may you rest in peace.